Some days I wake up impatient and irritable. Some days my preschooler does too.* It's a bad combination.
Some days my kitchen looks like this:
Some days I want to run away. I want to hide. I want to get away from everything. I want to wear clothes I can't nurse in, eat things filled with gluten even if it makes me sick, and not worry about whether I need to wash diapers or not.
Some days I want to pretend for five minutes that I have no responsibilities.
Some days I want a break from my life.
Since taking a break from my life is not possible, I eat chocolate chips in bed while nursing my smallest girl. I read blog posts like this and remember I'm not the only mom that has days like this. Then I read this post and laugh really, really hard.** I've had these days before. As my mother says, "this too shall pass."
I'm fully aware that these are first world problems. Life could be worse. Knowing that only makes me feel guilty. My kids have colds, not cancer. I have a dirty kitchen because we have enough food to eat. Poor me. Eventually I'll wash the dishes and forget how depressed the messy kitchen made me feel.
And when L. wakes up from her nap (because she's napping today!), I might just forget the mess a little longer and go for a walk with my girls.
Or pehaps I'll get started on the dishes while they're sleeping. Yes, you heard me right--they're sleeping. Both of them. At the same time. It's amazing.
Writing this just made me feel a little bit better. Or maybe it's because both girls are sleeping. Who knows. Either way...
Just joking. The bigger sister is no longer sleeping. Now they're both crying. That lasted all of five minutes. Maybe we'll take a walk. Or maybe we'll just focus on getting through the next five minutes.
Tomorrow will be better.
*I've realized I can't really call her a toddler anymore now that she's three and looks like she's five.
**Okay, short story. This post was particularly funny today because J cooked last night. I ate like six tacos (actually I lost count so it could have been more). After dinner I was crouched on a stool in the middle of the kitchen eating what was left out of the saucepan. J asked, "do you eat enough during the day? You seem to be really hungry at dinner lately." Dude, I'm hungry all the time. I'm nursing two kids and feel like I have an empty pit in my stomach. And no, I probably don't eat enough during the day.***
***Clarification--I do eat during the day. But I can't seem to eat enough. I don't know if it's possible to eat enough. I'm currently experimenting with increasing my chocolate intake to see if that helps (see the comment above about eating chocolate chips in bed. I wasn't joking).
This post is part of the Tuesday Baby Link-Up, and Seasonal Celebration Wednesday.
Oh, I've been there. I too am gluten-intolerant and it can make things harder. Glad you are able to keep perspective. My kids are a bit older now so it's easier but I had days when the babies were younger where I just wanted to scream and cry and quit and Dear God! No one touch me because I want to crawl out of my skin. But it gets better. It always does. I hope tomorrow is a better day.
ReplyDeleteI literally just wrote two similar back-to-back posts on this. My son turns two in just two days and he has been giving me a run for my money, I swear. One moment, we're laughing and he's being sweet, the next he's yelling and crying and won't get up off of the floor. Typically, this happens in public making me feel even more inadequate.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow will definitely feel better. It's got to, right? We just need to keep telling ourselves that and taking it one step at a time. You're doing a good job! The dishes can wait. (and that is really hard for me to say as I hate dirty dishes, but it's true!)
If you want to read the two posts I referred to, hop on over to www.definingmyhappy.com
hang in there dear.... I just send you a huge hug!!. I totally understand the feeling of willing to run away of everyone and everything!. Welcome to being human!
ReplyDeleteOh yes yes mama! Since I've been pregnant with #2 my kitchen looks like that ALL the time. I just keep telling myself that it will get better, but really it won't because then I'm going to have a newborn. Ahhh! :) Oh and I know that bottomless pit feeling of nursing well. Sometimes eating feels like a full time job on its own! Thanks for posting so I remember I'm not alone!! Thanks for linking up with the Tuesday Baby Link Up!
ReplyDeleteWe have all been there! So much so, that I am featuring this on this weeks Tuesday Baby Link-Up! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Thank you ladies. It's always good to have a reminder that I'm not alone! And Christine, thank you so much for featuring my post!
ReplyDeleteOh Emily, I can really empathise with your feelings here. It's wonderful to share so candidly the realities of parenting, the best times with your children are born out of the times, when it just felt frankly, tough! Thank you for sharing with us and I hope to welcome you over at Seasonal Celebration again today! Rebecca @Natural Mothers Network x
ReplyDeleteYES! "I'm currently experimenting with increasing my chocolate intake to see if that helps." Hahahaha absolutely! I'm also increasing mine (as we speak,er, write)..... Let me know if it does help. Scratch that. Don't let me know. I'll just keep trying to see if it helps! :)
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